Every marriage goes through seasons. Some are joyful and passionate, others feel distant or even disconnected. But the good news is this: no matter where your relationship stands today, small consistent actions can breathe new life into your marriage and reignite that deep connection you once had with your spouse.
At Ultimate Intimacy, we believe in building strong, passionate, and spiritually connected marriages. Whether you have been married for five years or fifty, these eight simple yet powerful changes can truly transform your relationship with your spouse.
1. Turn Toward Instead of Away
Drs. John and Julie Gottman, two of the world’s leading marriage researchers, found that the difference between happy and unhappy couples lies in how they respond to each other’s bids for connection. In their research, couples who stayed together turned toward each other 86 percent of the time, while those who divorced only did so 33 percent of the time.
What does this mean practically? When your spouse shares a thought, makes a joke, or simply sighs with stress, respond with interest and care. Turning toward means showing up emotionally, being present, and valuing the little moments.
2. Compliment More Than You Criticize
It is easy to fall into the trap of pointing out flaws or frustrations, especially during stressful times. But consistent criticism erodes emotional safety and intimacy. The Gottmans discovered that happy couples maintain a 5 to 1 ratio of positive to negative interactions. That means for every criticism or negative interaction, five positive ones help balance and build the relationship.
Try this: every day, intentionally give your spouse three specific compliments. Whether it is about their character, actions, appearance, or how they parent, affirming your spouse builds trust and warmth.
3. Make Time for Physical Touch
Physical intimacy is a powerful emotional glue in marriage. From holding hands to long hugs, small touches throughout the day communicate affection, care, and desire.
Couples who touch more often report greater satisfaction and connection. Even non-sexual touch, like cuddling on the couch or a morning kiss, can increase oxytocin (the bonding hormone) and reduce stress. Intimacy is not just about sex—it is about consistent closeness and affection.
4. Prioritize Date Nights
According to a study by the National Marriage Project, couples who have regular date nights at least once a week are 3.5 times more likely to report being “very happy” in their marriage. Yet many couples say they are too busy or tired for quality time.
Date nights do not need to be expensive or elaborate. The key is intentionality. Set aside distractions, put your phones away, and focus on reconnecting. It is about showing your spouse they are still a priority amidst the busyness of life.
5. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Healthy communication is at the heart of every thriving marriage. That means speaking with kindness and listening without defensiveness. Research shows that couples who feel emotionally safe to express their needs, fears, and dreams have stronger emotional bonds.
Start small: ask your spouse about their day and really listen. Practice active listening by reflecting what they share and asking follow-up questions. Let them feel heard and valued. Vulnerability fosters intimacy.
6. Practice Gratitude Daily
It is easy to notice what your spouse does wrong—but transformational change comes when you start noticing what they do right. Practicing gratitude shifts your mindset and invites joy into your marriage.
A study published in the journal Personal Relationships found that expressing gratitude toward your spouse increases relationship satisfaction and builds emotional closeness. Take just one minute a day to say thank you—for making coffee, for working hard, for their patience. Gratitude reinforces love and appreciation.
7. Fight Fair and Forgive Often
Conflict is inevitable. How you handle it makes all the difference. Avoid name-calling, bringing up the past, or shutting down. Instead, focus on understanding your spouse’s perspective and working toward resolution.
The Gottmans emphasize the importance of “repair attempts”—small gestures that de-escalate conflict, such as humor, apologies, or expressions of love. And when the fight is over, truly forgive. Holding on to resentment only creates emotional distance. Choose forgiveness over keeping score.
Here is the best advice we have ever heard on conflict resolution and disagreements in marriage. 111. The Podcast Episode That Will Transform Your Marriage!
8. Keep Growing Together Spiritually and Emotionally
Shared values and spiritual growth are essential for deep, lasting connection. Pray together. Read scripture or devotions as a couple. Discuss your dreams, fears, and what God is teaching you. Spiritual intimacy is a powerful way to stay emotionally connected and aligned in purpose.
Marriage is not just a contract—it is a covenant. And strong covenants are built on shared faith, values, and goals. Make time for growth together, and you will see your marriage thrive.
Final Thoughts
Marriage is not about perfection. It is about intentionality, connection, and choosing each other every single day. Small changes, when done consistently, lead to big transformations over time.
Whether you start with one or all eight of these practices, know this: your marriage is worth fighting for. Intimacy—emotional, physical, and spiritual—can be reignited. And the journey of rediscovering your spouse can be one of the most rewarding experiences of your life.
You already have the tools to build something beautiful. Now is the time to use them.
Need help building intimacy? Download the #1 Marriage and Intimacy App – Ultimate Intimacy. and discover tools, conversation starters, resources, and ideas to help you deepen your connection, both inside and outside the bedroom.
UandI App
Check out the amazing UandI App to transform your relationship!
Here’s a sneak peek at what’s included:
- Daily Challenges – Emotional and intimate challenges to keep your connection strong.
- Date Night Challenges and Adventures – Ideas and tips for unforgettable date nights.
- Quizzes – Fun ways to learn more about each other.
- Live Polls – Engage in real-time with your spouse.
- Ask an Expert – Get relationship advice from professionals.
- Interactive Games – Including “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” and non-graphic sex position games.
- Intimate Conversations – Foster deep, meaningful conversations.
- Secure Chat Feature – A private space for just the two of you.
- Harmony Home – Organize and sync your household chores and schedules.
FREE to Download and Get Started!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
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