In marriage, we often hear that love is the foundation that holds everything together. While this is certainly true, there is one powerful, yet simple, element that many couples overlook: appreciation.
Expressing appreciation for your spouse can be a game-changer in a relationship, yet so many couples fail to prioritize it—often assuming that love alone is enough to sustain the bond, or they assume there spouse knows so they don’t express it. When we have brought this up in our podcasts and videos, we get people responding saying “I don’t need to tell my spouse because they already know it.”
Research and real-life stories suggest that feeling appreciated is one of the most important factors for marital satisfaction and longevity.
In fact, many couples who have gone through divorce cite a lack of appreciation as one of the primary reasons their relationship fell apart. It’s easy to assume that your spouse knows how much you love them, but without expressing that love through meaningful gestures of appreciation, the relationship can feel neglected and undervalued. If you want to build a strong, lasting marriage, it’s time to understand the profound power of appreciation.
Why Appreciation Matters
At its core, appreciation is about acknowledging and valuing the efforts and qualities of your spouse. It’s about showing gratitude for the small things they do, the way they support you, and the love they show.
When you take your spouse for granted and fail to express appreciation, they can start to feel invisible, unimportant, or unappreciated. Over time, this can erode the emotional connection between you both and lead to resentment, frustration, and ultimately, a breakdown in communication and intimacy.
According to a 2014 study by the National Marriage Project, 33% of marriages end in divorce, with a significant number of those divorces attributed to feelings of neglect and emotional dissatisfaction. A lack of appreciation, along with poor communication, often plays a key role in these struggles. In fact, a 2016 survey found that 70% of individuals who had divorced said that one of the main reasons for their separation was feeling underappreciated and unloved by their spouse. This is especially true in marriages where one or both spouses fail to consistently express their gratitude, assuming their partner knows how they feel.
The Impact of Feeling Unappreciated
When one spouse feels unappreciated, the emotional distance in the marriage begins to widen. Small issues, which might have otherwise been easily resolved, start to fester and turn into bigger problems. The lack of acknowledgment for everyday efforts—whether it’s managing the household, being emotionally supportive, or providing for the family—can lead to feelings of inadequacy or resentment.
Additionally, when we don’t feel appreciated, we begin to question our worth within the relationship. We might even begin to withdraw, emotionally and physically, leading to a lack of intimacy and connection. This only perpetuates a cycle of discontent and dissatisfaction, which can ultimately result in marital breakdown.
Statistics on Divorce and Appreciation:
- A 2015 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships found that couples who expressed appreciation toward each other were more likely to stay together than those who did not. In fact, couples who regularly expressed gratitude and appreciation had a 50% higher chance of staying married.
- According to the American Psychological Association, about 20% of marriages end in divorce within the first five years, and for those that last longer, lack of appreciation is a common reason for unhappiness and separation. Many couples cite growing emotionally distant from one another due to failing to recognize and value each other’s contributions.
The Myths Around Appreciation in Marriage
One common misconception among couples is the belief that appreciation doesn’t need to be expressed verbally or through actions because “they already know how much I love them.” This sentiment often arises after years of marriage when partners assume that their feelings and intentions are understood without saying anything.
However, while you may believe your spouse knows how much you care, the absence of verbal or physical expressions of appreciation can leave them feeling uncertain and unimportant.
It’s also important to note that we all experience love and appreciation differently. Just because you may feel loved in one way doesn’t mean your spouse feels the same. Everyone has a different love language, and one of the most important love languages is words of affirmation. If you neglect to express appreciation, your spouse may begin to feel disconnected, even if you think they already know you value them.
Simple Ways to Show Appreciation in Marriage
The good news is that showing appreciation doesn’t have to be complicated or grandiose. Simple, small gestures can make a world of difference in fostering a stronger, more fulfilling relationship. Here are some practical and easy ways to show appreciation every day:
- Say “Thank You”
Sometimes, the simplest way to show appreciation is to say the words, “Thank you.” Whether it’s for taking care of something around the house, being a supportive partner, or simply being there when you need them, expressing gratitude in words can go a long way. Take a moment each day to acknowledge the efforts of your spouse and express your thanks. - Compliment Them Sincerely
Everyone loves a compliment, but it’s important to make them heartfelt. Compliment your spouse not just on their appearance, but on their qualities, their actions, and their contributions. For example, “I really admire how you handled that situation with the kids today,” or “I appreciate the way you always support me in everything I do.” - Leave Thoughtful Notes
Leave little notes of appreciation around the house—on the bathroom mirror, in their lunchbox, or on their pillow. These small, unexpected gestures remind your spouse that you see them, value them, and are grateful for them. - Spend Quality Time Together
One of the best ways to show appreciation is to make time for each other. Life can get busy, and it’s easy to let time with your spouse slip through the cracks. But carving out time for a date night, a quiet walk, or even just sitting down for a meal together without distractions can show your partner that you value your relationship and them. - Physical Touch
Sometimes, appreciation doesn’t need to be spoken—it can be shown through physical affection. A hug, a kiss, or simply holding hands can convey deep appreciation and make your spouse feel loved. Physical touch fosters intimacy and connection, which is an essential component of marital happiness. - Listen Actively
Sometimes, the best way to show appreciation is to truly listen when your spouse is speaking. Give them your full attention, make eye contact, and engage in the conversation. This simple act of attentiveness shows that you respect and appreciate their thoughts and feelings. - Share the Load
Appreciation can also be expressed by sharing responsibilities. Taking over a task or helping with something your spouse usually handles can be a powerful way to show that you recognize their hard work and want to ease their burden.
Conclusion: Appreciation is the Key to a Strong Marriage
In marriage, appreciation is not just a nice gesture—it’s essential to maintaining a healthy, loving relationship. The simple act of expressing gratitude can make a huge difference in the emotional well-being of both partners. It fosters connection, reduces resentment, and strengthens intimacy. When couples take the time to appreciate each other, they are much more likely to feel valued, respected, and loved. And as research shows, marriages in which appreciation is regularly expressed have a better chance of thriving and lasting.
So, don’t wait until things start to feel strained. Start expressing appreciation today—through kind words, thoughtful gestures, and active involvement in your relationship. By making your spouse feel truly valued, you’ll not only improve your marriage but also ensure that your bond continues to grow and deepen. In the end, appreciation truly is one of the simplest and most powerful ways to strengthen your marriage and build a lasting connection.
UandI
The UandI App – The “Game Changer” For Your Marriage!
The U&I app is here and we know you’ll love it! Here’s a sneak peek at what’s included:
- Daily Challenges – Emotional and intimate challenges to keep your connection strong.
- Date Night Challenges and Adventures – Ideas and tips for unforgettable date nights.
- Quizzes – Fun ways to learn more about each other.
- Live Polls – Engage in real-time with your spouse.
- Ask an Expert – Get relationship advice from professionals.
- Interactive Games – Including “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” and non-graphic sex position games.
- Intimate Conversations – Foster deep, meaningful conversations.
- Secure Chat Feature – A private space for just the two of you.
- Harmony Home – Organize and sync your household chores and schedules.
FREE to Download and Get Started!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
