In every thriving marriage, sexual intimacy plays a powerful role—not just as a physical act, but as a connection builder, a trust deepener, and a spark-igniter. But what happens when one spouse (usually the husband) desires intimacy more often than the other?
This is one of the most common struggles in marriage, and it can lead to frustration, rejection, and even emotional distance.
If you’re a husband wondering how to get your wife to want sex more, it’s not just about initiating it the right way or hoping for a “yes.” It’s about creating a foundation where she feels emotionally safe, mentally supported, and physically prioritized.
Below, we’ll walk through four proven and impactful ways to increase your wife’s desire for sexual intimacy in marriage—ways that strengthen your emotional connection, lighten her mental load, focus on her physical pleasure, and use intimacy products that enhance your sex life together.
1. Connect With Her on a Deeper Emotional Level
The #1 key to increasing your wife’s desire for intimacy is emotional connection.
For many women, emotional intimacy precedes physical intimacy. She needs to feel close to you emotionally before she wants to be close to you physically. If your wife feels distant, unseen, unappreciated, or emotionally disconnected, it’s unlikely she’ll desire sex—even if she loves you deeply.
Here are some ways to emotionally connect with your spouse daily:
- Ask meaningful questions. Not just “How was your day?” but “What was the best and hardest part of your day?”
- Show genuine interest in her thoughts and feelings. Listen to her without trying to fix her. Sometimes she just needs to feel heard.
- Offer affection without expecting sex. Small acts of affection—hugs, back rubs, hand-holding—go a long way when there’s no pressure for more.
- Compliment her genuinely. Let her know she’s beautiful, appreciated, and enough.
- Check in with her emotional needs. Ask what makes her feel close to you and what might be missing right now.
When your wife feels emotionally safe, secure, and close to you, her natural desire for intimacy is more likely to grow.
2. Help With the Mental Load
One of the biggest desire-killers for women? The mental load.
The mental load refers to the invisible, ongoing list of tasks and responsibilities constantly running through her mind—meals, groceries, laundry, kids’ schedules, appointments, birthdays, chores, planning… and then some.
When a wife feels mentally exhausted, overwhelmed, or like she’s managing everything on her own, sex often drops to the bottom of the priority list—not because she doesn’t love you, but because she’s spent.
Here’s how you can help with the mental load:
- Step in before she asks. Proactively help with dinner, laundry, bedtime routines, or errands.
- Share the planning. Take the lead on scheduling appointments, managing calendars, or organizing events.
- Use tools that help manage the household as a team. Sync your calendars, make chore lists, and stay aligned on responsibilities.
- Validate her stress. Say, “I see how much you’re carrying. How can I lighten your load this week?”
Lightening the mental load helps her feel like you’re a team—and when she feels supported and less stressed, she’s more likely to feel relaxed enough to want intimacy.
This was an issue in our marriage, and we couldn’t find a resource that could help, so we created the amazing UandI App with the Harmony Home feature. This feature alone will be a game changer for your marriage. Sync your phones and manage all the chores and responsibilities together in your own lists, and check them off when completed.
This takes out any guesswork as to who is doing what, and makes you accountable to each other. Most importantly, it will take a HUGE mental load off of your wife.
The UandI App – The “Game Changer” For Your Marriage!
The U&I app is here and we know you’ll love it! Here’s a sneak peek at what’s included:
- Daily Challenges – Emotional and intimate challenges to keep your connection strong.
- Date Night Challenges and Adventures – Ideas and tips for unforgettable date nights.
- Quizzes – Fun ways to learn more about each other.
- Live Polls – Engage in real-time with your spouse.
- Ask an Expert – Get relationship advice from professionals.
- Interactive Games – Including “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” and non-graphic sex position games.
- Intimate Conversations – Foster deep, meaningful conversations.
- Secure Chat Feature – A private space for just the two of you.
- Harmony Home – Organize and sync your household chores and schedules.
FREE to Download and Get Started!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
3. Place Her Physical Pleasure Above Your Own
This one can’t be emphasized enough: if you want your wife to desire sexual intimacy more, prioritize her pleasure.
For many wives, sex isn’t always pleasurable—especially if it’s rushed, all about the husband, or lacks emotional connection. When intimacy becomes a chore or an act of obligation, desire fades.
Here’s how to prioritize her in the bedroom:
- Ask what she likes. Everyone is different—don’t assume what worked once is what she wants now.
- Don’t rush foreplay. Women typically need more time to become fully aroused. Slow things down and focus on her body.
- Focus on her climax, not just your own. If she regularly finishes unfulfilled, her desire for future encounters may decline.
- Learn about her love language. Physical touch may not even be her primary one—when you meet her emotional needs, she’ll feel more open to physical intimacy.
- Be a safe space. Don’t make her feel guilty if she isn’t in the mood. Instead, respond with understanding and support.
When she feels seen, cherished, and prioritized in the bedroom, she’s more likely to crave the experience.
4. Use Intimacy Aids That Enhance Her Experience
Sometimes, your wife may want to enjoy intimacy more, but discomfort, lack of sensitivity, or stress holds her back. This is where intimacy aids and products can help.
When used intentionally, these tools can make sex more enjoyable, exciting, and deeply pleasurable for both of you—especially for her.
We recommend checking out the Ultimate Intimacy online store at shop.ultimateintimacy.com, which is built specifically for married couples who want to improve their sex lives in a fun, faith-based, and appropriate way.
Here are some must-have intimacy aids for wives:
- All-Natural Massage & Lubricant Creams – These dual-purpose creams help with arousal and comfort.
- Intimacy Boxes – Unique gift boxes to enhance the intimacy in your marriage.
- Bedroom Game Cards – Including truth or dare, scratch-off cards, and foreplay card decks that help initiate connection in a playful way.
- Position Cards – Add novelty and spontaneity to your bedroom routine.
- Intimate Conversation Starters – For emotional connection that leads to physical closeness.
These products are tastefully created for Christian married couples who want to experience more joy, connection, and pleasure—and they remove the awkwardness or shame that often surrounds these tools.
Final Thoughts: Desire Grows Where Connection Flows
If your wife doesn’t desire sex as often as you’d like, resist the urge to blame or pressure her. Instead, ask yourself:
- Am I emotionally connecting with her daily?
- Am I lightening her mental load?
- Am I putting her physical pleasure first?
- Am I creating a bedroom experience she genuinely looks forward to?
When you build emotional intimacy, support her mentally, and focus on her enjoyment, sexual intimacy becomes something she craves—not avoids.
You don’t need to be perfect, but you do need to be intentional.
Start with one small change today—and check out shop.ultimateintimacy.com for tools and products that can transform your intimate connection from routine to remarkable.
UandI App
