For many women, the topic of sex comes with mixed emotions—confusion, insecurity, obligation, or even guilt. Whether it stems from cultural expectations, past experiences, low libido, or marital disconnect, it’s not uncommon for a woman to feel emotionally or mentally disconnected from her sexual self. But what if we told you that you can change your mindset about sex—and actually learn to enjoy it in meaningful, fulfilling, and even fun ways?
We believe that sexual intimacy is one of the greatest gifts in marriage including physically, emotionally, and spiritually. But enjoying sex isn’t just about learning techniques; it starts in the mind.
In this article, we’ll explore how a woman can reshape her mindset about sex, backed by proven studies and research, and even how tools like sex toys can reignite pleasure and help her discover joy in the journey of intimacy. We have the most amazing sex toy that has really helped me (Amy) enjoy sexual intimacy much more as well.
The Mental Roadblocks Many Women Face
Women often approach sex differently than men. For most women, desire begins in the brain, not the body. If stress, fatigue, resentment, or body insecurity are present, sexual desire can feel like the last thing on her mind.
Common mindset barriers include:
- “I’m too tired or stressed for sex.”
- “Sex feels like a chore, not something I want.”
- “I don’t feel attractive or confident in my body.”
- “I’m not sure how to enjoy it—or even how to get there.”
According to a study published in The Journal of Sex Research, nearly 43% of women in the U.S. report some form of sexual dysfunction, including low desire, difficulty achieving arousal, or a lack of enjoyment. But here’s the hopeful part: mindset plays a huge role—and it can be reshaped.
1. Reframe What Sex Means in Your Marriage
For many women, sex becomes tied to performance, pressure, or pleasing a spouse. But sex is meant to be so much more. It’s a way to:
- Connect emotionally and spiritually
- Celebrate your bond as husband and wife
- Discover mutual pleasure and vulnerability
- Heal and grow closer through physical and emotional trust
Dr. Emily Nagoski, author of Come As You Are, explains that understanding the context of desire is essential. Women respond best to intimacy when they feel emotionally safe, respected, and in a supportive environment. It’s not about “doing sex” for someone—it’s about sharing an experience together.
2. Prioritize Emotional and Physical Connection Daily
Enjoying sex starts long before the bedroom. When emotional needs are met—through communication, physical touch, kindness, and shared laughter—sexual intimacy becomes much more inviting.
According to the Gottman Institute, couples who maintain a strong emotional connection report significantly higher sexual satisfaction. In fact, a strong emotional bond increases sexual frequency and enjoyment for women, especially in long-term marriages.
Make it a goal to connect emotionally every day, even if it’s just for 10–15 minutes of uninterrupted time. When you feel emotionally safe, your mind is more open to desire.
3. Learn About Your Body (and Give Yourself Permission to Explore)
One reason women struggle to enjoy sex is because they don’t fully understand their own body and what brings them pleasure. And sadly, many women grow up with shame-based messages that make it hard to even ask those questions.
Here’s the truth: your body is designed for pleasure. The clitoris alone contains over 8,000 nerve endings and serves no biological purpose other than pleasure. Yet many women have never taken the time to explore what feels good—or given themselves permission to enjoy it.
The more you understand your own body and what brings you pleasure, the more confident and empowered you’ll feel in intimacy with your spouse.
You may enjoy this fantastic podcast titled: It’s All About The Clitoris: The Key To Unlocking Female Pleasure.
4. Let Go of Shame and Embrace Healthy Sexuality
Many women carry shame around sex—whether from upbringing, religious messaging, trauma, or past experiences. But shame is a barrier to intimacy, not a pathway.
Healthy, loving sex in marriage is not dirty or wrong—it’s a gift. It can be passionate, playful, sacred, and healing. Research shows that women who have a positive sexual self-image experience higher levels of desire and satisfactionin their marriage (Source: Archives of Sexual Behavior).
If shame or past pain is holding you back, consider speaking with a counselor or sex therapist who specializes in faith-based or emotionally focused healing.
5. Use Sex Toys to Increase Pleasure and Comfort
Here’s a truth many couples overlook: sex toys aren’t replacements—they’re tools. For women, they can be incredibly helpful in building arousal, discovering pleasure points, and learning how their body responds best. Nick and I were against sex toys early on, that is until we tried them and WOW! They have been amazing!!
Toys can help in multiple ways:
- Increase blood flow and arousal
- Help women discover and enjoy clitoral stimulation
- Add variety and playfulness to the experience
- Reduce anxiety and focus the mind on pleasure
At Ultimate Intimacy, we’ve created a line of tasteful, discreet, and marriage-friendly intimacy products designed specifically for couples who want to explore new levels of connection in a safe and respectful way. Whether you’re looking for massage oils, beginner vibrators, or more advanced options, our store has something for every couple.
Browse the Ultimate Intimacy Store here to find safe, high-quality products that are built with intimacy and trust in mind.
6. Communicate Openly with Your Spouse
One of the biggest mindset shifts comes from simply talking to your spouse about sex—your fears, hopes, what feels good, and what doesn’t. This creates emotional closeness, trust, and shared understanding.
Use tools like the Ultimate Intimacy App to spark conversations, explore fantasies, and share preferences without awkwardness or fear. The more you talk, the less pressure and mystery sex will carry.
7. Understand the Difference Between Responsive vs. Spontaneous Desire
Not all desire is spontaneous—and that’s okay.
Dr. Rosemary Basson’s research shows that many women experience “responsive desire”, meaning they feel aroused after intimacy has started—not before. That means you don’t need to “feel in the mood” to begin. You just need to feel safe, connected, and open to the experience.
Give yourself permission to warm up slowly. Let go of the idea that desire must strike like lightning. With the right emotional climate, desire often follows arousal.
Understanding Desire Styles for Better Sexual Intimacy
8. Practice Mindfulness and Stay Present
Enjoying sex requires being present. Many women struggle to enjoy intimacy because their minds are racing, kids, laundry, deadlines, insecurities.
Practicing mindfulness—breathing, slowing down, and focusing on sensation—can dramatically improve enjoyment. A study in the Journal of Sex Research found that women who practiced mindfulness reported significantly higher sexual satisfaction and reduced anxiety.
Try setting the scene with dim lights, soft music, and intentional touch. Create space for presence, not just performance.
Final Thoughts: Your Pleasure Matters
Shifting your mindset about sex doesn’t happen overnight. But with intentionality, communication, self-discovery, and the right tools, you can learn to enjoy sex not just as an act, but as a gift of connection, joy, and healing.
You deserve to feel loved, desired, and fulfilled—in every way. And your marriage deserves the vibrant intimacy that brings you closer than ever.
UandI App
Check out the amazing UandI App to transform your relationship!
Here’s a sneak peek at what’s included:
- Daily Challenges – Emotional and intimate challenges to keep your connection strong.
- Date Night Challenges and Adventures – Ideas and tips for unforgettable date nights.
- Quizzes – Fun ways to learn more about each other.
- Live Polls – Engage in real-time with your spouse.
- Ask an Expert – Get relationship advice from professionals.
- Interactive Games – Including “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” and non-graphic sex position games.
- Intimate Conversations – Foster deep, meaningful conversations.
- Secure Chat Feature – A private space for just the two of you.
- Harmony Home – Organize and sync your household chores and schedules.
FREE to Download and Get Started!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
AMAZING Products To Transform Your Intimacy
We offer tons of great intimate products, card decks, games, lubricants, massage oil and so much more to spice up and enhance the intimacy in your relationship. We are a “Christian friendly” store and offer FREE shipping in the USA! Just click on the image below to go to our store.
