For many Christian couples, the journey toward fulfilling sexual intimacy is more complicated than simply “waiting until marriage.” Purity culture, religious shame, and silence around sexuality have left many husbands and wives confused, disconnected, and struggling with guilt around something that was designed to be sacred, bonding, and beautiful.
We believe this truth with all our hearts:
You can be both spiritual and sexual. In fact, God designed you that way!
Sexual intimacy in marriage is not dirty, shameful, or something to be whispered about. It’s a divine gift—ordained by God for pleasure, unity, vulnerability, and oneness. But to fully experience that gift, many couples need healing from the wounds of purity culture and religious misunderstandings about sex.
Let’s talk about why you can fully honor God and enjoy amazing sexual intimacy with your spouse—and what couples can do to break free from the lies and step into true freedom.
What Is Purity Culture?
Purity culture refers to a movement that gained momentum in the 1990s and early 2000s within Christian communities, particularly evangelical circles. At its core, it promoted abstinence until marriage—but often did so in a way that:
- Placed a heavy burden of responsibility on women to remain “pure”
- Equated a person’s worth with their virginity
- Associated sexual desire with sin
- Failed to prepare couples for the beauty of healthy sex after marriage
While the intention was to uphold God-honoring standards, the result for many was deep-seated shame, fear, and a disconnect from their own God-given sexuality.
The Impact of Purity Culture on Christian Marriages
Even among married couples, the effects of purity culture linger. Women may struggle to enjoy sex due to internalized shame. Men may battle unrealistic expectations or frustration when sex isn’t what they thought it would be.
Here’s what the research shows:
- A 2021 study published in Archives of Sexual Behavior found that people raised in strict purity culture environments often experience sexual dysfunction, shame, and lower sexual satisfaction, even after marriage.
- The same study showed married Christians who received positive, open teaching about sexuality were far more likely to have fulfilling sex lives.
- According to The Gottman Institute, emotional and sexual intimacy are inseparable in long-term marriage satisfaction—and purity culture often unintentionally stunted emotional openness around sex.
God’s Design for Sex: Holy, Honest, and Healing
Here’s the truth that sets people free:
Sex is not just allowed in marriage—it is celebrated by God.
When God created Adam and Eve, He called them to be “one flesh.” This was not just a symbolic union—it was physical, emotional, spiritual intimacy designed to mirror the closeness God desires with His people.
The Bible is not silent about sex. Entire books like Song of Solomon explore erotic love, passion, and desire in marriage—and not once is that desire condemned. Instead, it is seen as a source of joy and connection between husband and wife.
God doesn’t want you to just tolerate sex in marriage.
He wants you to enjoy it, grow through it, and bond deeper because of it.
You Can Be Spiritual and Sexual
So how do we hold both truths? That we are called to live holy lives AND we are created as sexual beings?
The answer is found in this balance:
Sexuality in marriage is not separate from your faith—it’s an expression of it.
When you:
- Love your spouse through unselfish intimacy
- Communicate desires with honesty and trust
- Explore pleasure in a committed, covenant relationship
…you are honoring God just as much as when you pray, worship, or serve others.
Sex is not a distraction from your spirituality. It’s a part of it!
How Married Couples Can Heal from Purity Culture
If you or your spouse struggle with guilt, shame, or disconnection when it comes to sex, you’re not alone. Here are some practical steps toward healing:
Talk About It Openly as a Couple
Break the silence. Share how purity culture shaped your views on sex. Be honest about your struggles. Ask each other questions like:
- What did you learn about sex growing up?
- Do you ever feel shame or guilt around sex in our marriage?
- What would make you feel safe and more connected during intimacy?
Open, vulnerable conversation is the first step toward restoration.
If you have a hard time talking about sex, you are not alone. Let us help with our “Let’s Talk About Sex” card deck.
Relearn What God Actually Says About Sex
Replace the lies with truth. Study scripture together. Read books or devotionals that approach sexual intimacy from a biblical, healthy, and affirming view.
Some truths to hold onto:
- Sex is a gift (Genesis 2:24, Proverbs 5:18-19)
- Pleasure is not sinful (Song of Solomon)
- Your body is good, not shameful (Psalm 139, 1 Corinthians 6)
- Let’s Talk About Sex” 20 Things Christian Husbands And Wives Wish Their Spouse Knew (Or Would Do) But Don’t Know How To Tell Them.
Prioritize Pleasure Without Guilt
Sexual intimacy is not just for reproduction—it’s for connection and enjoyment.
Explore what brings both of you pleasure without shame. That includes:
- Foreplay that’s slow and intentional
- Trying new things in the bedroom together
- Using intimacy-enhancing products or games
The Ultimate Intimacy Shop is full of tasteful, Christian-friendly intimacy products—like all-natural lubricants, massage creams, foreplay card decks, intimacy aids, and couples’ games—that help you reconnect and rediscover the joy of touch, passion, and pleasure.
Replace Shame with Gratitude
When you feel guilt or shame about sex, pause and say:
“Thank you, God, for this gift. Help me enjoy it the way You designed.”
Replacing shame with gratitude rewires the way your brain and body respond to intimacy.
Seek Counseling or Christian Sex Therapy
Sometimes the wounds are deeper than what a couple can handle on their own. That’s okay.
A Christian counselor or sex therapist can help you:
- Work through trauma or past teachings
- Restore healthy mindsets about your body
- Create space for sexual healing and exploration
Freedom Is Found in God’s Design
To be spiritual is to love deeply. To be sexual is to connect intimately.
In a Christ-centered marriage, these two parts of you are not in conflict—they are in harmony.
If you’ve struggled with shame, fear, or disconnection due to purity culture, you’re not broken. You are in the process of becoming whole.
Sexual intimacy in marriage is not just allowed—it is ordained by God.
And when you approach it with love, mutual respect, and vulnerability, it becomes a powerful, healing force in your relationship.
So embrace it. Explore it. Redeem it.
Let sex in your marriage be more than duty—let it be delight.
For practical tools to deepen emotional and sexual connection, explore the Ultimate Intimacy App and shop our collection of Christian intimacy products here.
You can be spiritual. You can be sexual.
You can be both—and you were made for both.
UandI
Check Out The AMAZING UandI App!
There are so many features in the U&I app to transform your relationship that we know you’ll love! Here’s a sneak peek at what’s included:
- Daily Challenges – Emotional and intimate challenges to keep your connection strong.
- Date Night Challenges and Adventures – Ideas and tips for unforgettable date nights.
- Quizzes – Fun ways to learn more about each other.
- Live Polls – Engage in real-time with your spouse.
- Ask an Expert – Get relationship advice from professionals.
- Interactive Games – Including “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” and non-graphic sex position games.
- Intimate Conversations – Foster deep, meaningful conversations.
- Secure Chat Feature – A private space for just the two of you.
- Harmony Home – Organize and sync your household chores and schedules.
Download The UandI App For Free!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
AMAZING Products To Transform Your Intimacy
We offer tons of great intimate products, card decks, games, lubricants, massage oil and so much more to spice up and enhance the intimacy in your relationship. We are a “Christian friendly” store and offer FREE shipping in the USA! Just click on any of the images below to go to our store.
