You may also enjoy this great podcast episode on the Ultimate Intimacy Podcast titled: 383. Old-School Romance: How Chivalry Strengthens Marriage.
In a culture that’s constantly evolving, some people might think chivalry is outdated. But in marriage, true chivalry is timeless, and incredibly attractive. It’s not about old-fashioned rules or grand gestures. It’s about daily choices that show your spouse they’re deeply valued, protected, and cherished.
Chivalry, in its modern form, is the art of putting your spouse first, not just in words, but in action. It’s how emotional and sexual intimacy grow stronger: when love is expressed through honor, service, faithfulness, and respect.
Here are 10 ways to bring modern chivalry into your marriage—and real-life examples of how they can transform your relationship:
1. Open doors—literally and figuratively
Yes, open the car door or hold it at the grocery store. These acts still matter. But even more powerful? Opening emotional doors. Make room for your spouse to share their fears, frustrations, or hopes without fear of criticism.
Example: A husband hears his wife say she’s feeling overwhelmed. Instead of minimizing her feelings, he pauses, listens, and asks, “How can I help you carry the load this week?”
2. Put your spouse’s comfort before your own
Chivalry is being willing to sacrifice—big or small. Whether that means giving up the last slice of pizza or getting up early with the kids so your spouse can sleep in, these little acts of selflessness say, “I see you. You matter.”
Stat: According to the Gottman Institute, the most successful marriages are filled with daily “bids” for connection, small, meaningful gestures that show love and attentiveness.
3. Protect them emotionally and physically
Protecting your spouse isn’t just about physical danger—it’s about having their back. This means standing up for them when others speak disrespectfully, and guarding your marriage from negativity, gossip, or betrayal.
Example: Your in-laws make a comment that puts your spouse down. A chivalrous response? “We don’t talk about each other like that, we’re on the same team.”
4. Serve without expecting recognition
One of the deepest expressions of love is service—done quietly, without a scoreboard. It’s grabbing their favorite snack just because, doing the dishes without being asked, or making their life a little easier on a stressful day.
Try this: Pick one thing today that your spouse usually handles—laundry, dinner, trash, or errands—and do it before they can.
5. Prioritize their needs
Chivalry puts your spouse’s heart front and center. When you see they’re emotionally drained, offer support. When they’re chasing a goal, cheer them on—even if it means you take on a little more to make it happen.
Example: Your wife has a big deadline. Instead of expecting a regular evening, you say, “I’ve got dinner and bedtime tonight. You focus. I’m proud of you.”
6. Speak respectfully—especially during conflict
Real chivalry shines when things are tense. Raising your voice, shutting down, or using sarcasm erodes emotional safety. Choosing respectful, mature communication—even in conflict—shows true strength.
Stat: Dr. John Gottman found that the way couples argue is one of the strongest predictors of divorce or long-term success. Respect = resilience.
7. Be faithful in thought and action
Faithfulness isn’t just physical—it’s emotional and mental. Protect your marriage by guarding your eyes, your phone habits, and even your thought life. Loyalty in private is the purest form of chivalry.
Example: Honor your spouse even when they’re not watching.
8. Make them feel cherished and chosen daily
Everyone wants to feel like they’re someone’s favorite person. That doesn’t require a grand gesture—just consistency. A kiss on the forehead, a compliment, a love note tucked in their lunch—these make your spouse feel seen and secure.
Challenge: Every day this week, tell your spouse one specific thing you admire about them. Watch how their confidence and connection with you grow.
9. Take initiative
Chivalry doesn’t wait to be told what to do. It anticipates needs and takes action. Whether it’s planning a date, resolving a misunderstanding, or taking on a task, showing initiative communicates love through leadership.
Example: Instead of saying “Let me know if you want help,” say, “I’ll pick up the groceries and get dinner started so you can relax tonight.”
10. Pray for them and with them
Chivalry isn’t just romantic—it’s spiritual. Taking your spouse’s concerns to God, or initiating prayer together, builds trust, vulnerability, and deep intimacy. It shows that you care not just about their body, but their soul.
Example: A simple, “Can I pray for you before we go to bed?” can open a whole new layer of emotional and spiritual connection.
Why Chivalry Still Matters
Marriage is built on love, but love thrives when it’s expressed intentionally. These 10 acts of modern chivalry are not one-time things—they’re habits that build trust, connection, and desire. Chivalry creates safety, safety creates vulnerability, and vulnerability unlocks intimacy.
At Ultimate Intimacy, we believe the small things lead to big breakthroughs in marriage. Whether it’s through emotional intimacy, sexual connection, or shared spiritual growth, choosing chivalry is choosing a better marriage—every single day.
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