Before we jump into the article, do you wish your husband was more romantic and affectionate in your marriage? Find out what other women just like you said in the poll we did and in the questions we asked our audience!
Also in a podcast we did titled 176. Is Your Husband Lacking When It Comes To Romance And Affection? we discuss what women wish their husbands would do to be more romantic. We also talk about how couples can navigate these differences instead of letting them cause conflict in the marriage. You won’t want to miss this episode.
In the early stages of a relationship, romance often comes effortlessly. There are surprise dates, heartfelt notes, long conversations, and physical affection that feels exciting and new. But as the years go by, many wives begin to notice that the spark has faded. Their once romantic husband seems less attentive, less affectionate, and less interested in creating special moments.
You may be wondering, “What happened?” “Did he change?” “Does he still love me?” The truth is more complex than simply saying romance has died. In fact, many husbands still deeply love their spouse, but various factors can get in the way of expressing it romantically.
In this article, we will explore the most common reasons why husbands stop being romantic, share insights from marriage experts and studies, and offer practical tips for reigniting the passion in your relationship.
1. Life Stress and Mental Load
One of the biggest romance killers in marriage is the stress and busyness of daily life. As men take on more responsibilities—career pressures, financial concerns, parenting, and household duties—they often shift into survival mode. In this state, romance is not the first thing on their minds.
According to the American Institute of Stress, 76 percent of people report that work and money are their leading causes of stress, which directly affects their energy and emotional availability at home. For husbands who feel overwhelmed or stretched thin, romance may feel like a luxury they do not have time for.
But that does not mean the desire is gone? No, it just means their emotional bandwidth is limited.
2. Different Definitions of Romance
Another reason some husbands appear less romantic is that they express love differently. Many women define romance in terms of emotional expression, thoughtful gestures, or planned surprises. Men, however, may show love in practical or physical ways like fixing things around the house, providing for the family, or being sexually affectionate.
Dr. Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages, emphasizes that couples often miss each other’s expressions of love when they speak different “languages.” Your husband might be showing love regularly in a way that does not feel romantic to you. If you want to know each other’s love languages, take the FREE quiz in the Ultimate Intimacy App.
3. Fear of Rejection or Criticism
If a husband feels like past attempts at being romantic were dismissed, criticized, or not appreciated, he may stop trying. Whether intentional or not, if he senses that his efforts are not “good enough,” he may retreat emotionally and avoid trying again.
Marriage therapist Dr. John Gottman highlights that emotional withdrawal is one of the biggest predictors of marital dissatisfaction. If a spouse feels unsafe or unsure about expressing themselves, especially romantically, they are likely to shut down to protect themselves from feeling inadequate.
4. Comfort and Complacency
Over time, couples often slip into a routine. While comfort in marriage is a good thing, it can sometimes lead to complacency. When a husband feels secure and accepted, he may assume he no longer needs to make romantic gestures to win his spouse’s affection. He might feel like he already proved his love and that you already know how he feels.
While that might be true, it is also important for both spouses to continue nurturing emotional and physical intimacy. Just as plants need water to thrive, romance needs regular care to grow.
5. Unresolved Emotional or Physical Issues
Sometimes, a lack of romance stems from deeper issues—unresolved conflict, emotional disconnection, or even health problems. If there is resentment or unspoken tension in the relationship, your spouse may not feel safe or motivated to initiate romance.
Additionally, hormonal changes, low testosterone, depression, or sexual dysfunction can all impact a man’s desire or ability to be romantic. According to the Cleveland Clinic, around 40 percent of men over age 45 experience some level of low testosterone, which affects mood, libido, and emotional expression.
If your husband has withdrawn not just romantically but emotionally or physically, it may be time to have an honest conversation and possibly consult a medical professional.
So What Can You Do?
Romance is not a lost cause. In fact, many couples find that their relationship becomes more romantic and meaningful with time—once they learn to understand and meet each other’s needs more intentionally.
Here are some proven ways to bring romance back into your marriage:
1. Talk About It Openly
Instead of hinting, sulking, or waiting for things to change on their own, express your feelings in a kind and honest way. Use “I” statements such as, “I miss feeling close to you” or “I love when you surprise me—it makes me feel special.”
Avoid blaming or accusing. Communication opens the door for your spouse to understand your emotional needs and to feel safe responding without defensiveness.
2. Appreciate What He Already Does
Sometimes husbands stop trying romantically because they feel unappreciated. Make a habit of noticing and affirming the things your spouse does well—even if they are not traditionally romantic. Gratitude builds a foundation for more giving and connection.
3. Reignite Physical Intimacy
Physical affection and emotional romance go hand in hand. Prioritizing sexual intimacy can strengthen your emotional bond and increase feelings of closeness and desire. Use tools like the Ultimate Intimacy App, or sex toys to reignite the passion and pleasure, try new things in the bedroom, and have open conversations about what you both enjoy.
4. Create Shared Experiences
Plan a date night, take a weekend getaway, or even just go for a walk together. Shared experiences foster connection and make it easier for romance to flourish. You do not need grand gestures—what matters is time spent together without distractions.
5. Model the Romance You Want to See
Romance is a two way street. Instead of waiting for your spouse to initiate, take the lead. Leave a love note, plan a surprise, or initiate affection. When you model romance, it encourages your spouse to do the same and reopens the emotional pathways that may have become blocked.
Final Thoughts
Romance is not about perfection—it is about connection. If your husband is not as romantic as he once was, it does not mean love is gone. More likely, it means life has gotten in the way, expectations have not been communicated, or he is unsure of how to reconnect.
By creating a safe space for vulnerability, expressing appreciation, and inviting intimacy back into your relationship, you can rediscover the romance that brought you together in the first place.
At Ultimate Intimacy, we believe that deep connection, passion, and romance are not just possible—they are waiting for couples who are willing to nurture them.
Ready to take the next step?
Download the Ultimate Intimacy App and reignite passion with conversation starters, intimacy games, and resources created to help you and your spouse grow closer emotionally and physically.
Your love story is still being written—make sure romance has a starring role.
UandI App
Check out the amazing UandI App to transform your relationship!
Here’s a sneak peek at what’s included:
- Daily Challenges – Emotional and intimate challenges to keep your connection strong.
- Date Night Challenges and Adventures – Ideas and tips for unforgettable date nights.
- Quizzes – Fun ways to learn more about each other.
- Live Polls – Engage in real-time with your spouse.
- Ask an Expert – Get relationship advice from professionals.
- Interactive Games – Including “How Well Do You Know Your Spouse?” and non-graphic sex position games.
- Intimate Conversations – Foster deep, meaningful conversations.
- Secure Chat Feature – A private space for just the two of you.
- Harmony Home – Organize and sync your household chores and schedules.
FREE to Download and Get Started!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
