After reading this blog article, you can also check out our great podcast episode 376. If You Were To Ask Your Kids What They Think About Your Marriage… What Would They Say?
Have you ever stopped to wonder what your kids really think about your marriage?
Not what you hope they think. Not what you tell them about love or commitment. But what they observe—every single day—through your actions, words, body language, and tone.
The truth is, your children are watching. They’re learning about love, relationships, and intimacy not from movies or school—but primarily from you. Your marriage is their first and most powerful example of what it looks like to love and be loved.
So if your child were to sit down and describe your relationship to someone else, what would they say?
Would they talk about laughter? About affection? About two people who really like being around each other? Or would they mention stress, tension, sarcasm, or two adults living under the same roof but disconnected?
This isn’t about guilt—it’s about awareness. Because the good news is, every day offers a fresh opportunity to shape your marriage into a legacy your children can look up to with pride, admiration, and inspiration.
What Kids Learn from a Great Marriage
We often say we’d do anything for our kids. But sometimes the best thing we can do for them isn’t another sports league or extracurricular—it’s a strong, loving marriage between their parents. Here’s what kids absorb from watching your marriage:
1. Put Your Spouse First
When kids see you prioritize your spouse—through affection, decision-making, and time—they understand that a strong marriage creates a stable, secure home.
“The best thing you can do for your children is to love your spouse.” – Zig Ziglar
It doesn’t mean ignoring your children. It means modeling what a healthy hierarchy of love looks like: God first (if faith-based), then your spouse, then your children. When that alignment is right, the whole family flourishes.
2. Show Love and Affection Daily
A hug in the kitchen. A kiss before leaving the house. Holding hands during a walk. Kids notice these things. They learn that love is active and affectionate—not distant or dormant.
3. Resolve Conflict with Respect
Disagreements are part of any relationship. But the way you disagree matters. Are you yelling? Rolling your eyes? Dismissing your spouse?
Or are you pausing, listening, and choosing respect—even when you’re frustrated?
Your children learn that healthy conflict doesn’t mean the absence of love—it’s an opportunity to grow in it.
4. Apologize and Forgive Quickly
When your kids hear you say, “I was wrong,” they learn that humility isn’t weakness—it’s strength. When they see forgiveness exchanged, they learn that love isn’t about perfection, but persistence and grace.
5. Speak Kindly About (and To) Your Spouse
Whether you’re in the room together or not, how you talk about your spouse matters. Compliments and gentle tones model love. Harsh words or criticism—even subtle sarcasm—can create lasting impressions.
6. Make Time for Each Other
Date nights, late-night talks, or early morning coffee—your intentional time shows that love needs attention. It teaches your kids that connection doesn’t just happen; it must be protected.
7. Laugh Together Often
Laughter fills a home with lightness and safety. When your kids hear you laughing together, they feel secure. They learn that marriage isn’t just serious—it’s joyful.
8. Communicate Openly and Honestly
Kids observe when something’s “off.” When you talk openly—without hiding emotions or walking on eggshells—they learn that real love includes honest communication and vulnerability.
9. Serve Each Other with a Happy Heart
Whether it’s doing the dishes or offering a shoulder rub, small acts of service shape your child’s belief that love isn’t selfish. It’s about giving—gladly.
10. Be Each Other’s Biggest Cheerleader
When your spouse has a win, do you celebrate it? Your kids will grow up learning that marriage is a partnership, not a competition. True love celebrates together.
11. Stay Loyal and Faithful
Even though your children don’t see every private interaction, they can feel whether trust exists. Faithfulness creates emotional safety and stability—something kids crave deeply.
12. Handle Stress and Hard Times Together
Every family faces challenges. Whether it’s a job loss, illness, or financial strain—how you walk through hard seasons says everything. Kids learn that love is a team sport, especially under pressure.
13. Prioritize Physical Intimacy in a Healthy, Private Way
Kids don’t need to see anything graphic, but they do pick up on emotional closeness and connection. If Mom and Dad are affectionate, loving, and bonded, kids grow up feeling safe, secure, and loved too.
14. Celebrate Each Other’s Successes
Did Dad get a promotion? Did Mom hit a personal goal? Acknowledge and celebrate each other’s wins. It teaches your children that love lifts and encourages.
15. Be Silly, Playful, and Fun Together
Dance in the kitchen. Make goofy faces. Tell inside jokes. When marriage includes play, it gives your children permission to enjoy life—and relationships—freely.
16. Pray or Grow Spiritually Together (If Faith-Based)
A spiritually connected marriage models a deeper kind of intimacy. Whether it’s praying together, attending church, or discussing faith, it shows your children that your marriage is grounded in something greater than yourselves.
17. Stay Committed, Even When It’s Hard
Marriage isn’t always butterflies and sunsets. Your kids are watching how you hold on when things get tough. Your example shows them what “for better or worse” truly looks like.
18. Show Gratitude for Each Other
A simple “thank you” speaks volumes. When your children see you appreciate each other, they learn that gratitude fuels love and keeps resentment at bay.
19. Parent as a United Front
When parents disagree respectfully and back each other up, kids feel more secure. Unity in parenting teaches consistency, teamwork, and shared values.
The Legacy You Leave
You might not think your kids are watching, but they are. And what they see in your marriage is forming their ideas about:
- How to love and be loved
- What to tolerate or expect
- How to resolve conflict
- Whether intimacy is a duty, a gift, or something to avoid
If that feels heavy, take a breath—because it also means you have influence. Your marriage is one of the most powerful gifts you’ll ever give your children.
So instead of asking what they might say about your marriage today, ask:
“What do I want them to say… and what can I do today to make that happen?”
Love is in the little moments. Your kids don’t need a perfect marriage—they need to see a real one, full of respect, affection, faithfulness, laughter, growth, and grace.
And they’ll carry that legacy with them into every relationship they build in the future.
At Ultimate Intimacy, we believe your marriage is worth investing in—not just for you, but for your whole family. Emotional and physical intimacy isn’t a luxury. It’s the heartbeat of a thriving, secure home.
Let your marriage be the love story your kids want to grow up and model.
You’re writing your family’s legacy every single day. Make it one worth remembering.
UandI App
Also we have just launched a brand new app with the best date night feature ever! The UandI app has a new date night timeline that you can customize, pick from weekly at home or on the town date night ideas, AND put in your custom picture after your date! Check it out at uandiapp.com
Download The UandI App For Free!
We believe this app can be a game-changer for your marriage, helping you build stronger emotional intimacy, stay organized, and even add some extra spice to your relationship. It’s totally free to download, so there’s no reason not to give it a try today!
For more information, visit uandiapp.com and get started on the journey to a more connected, exciting marriage.
We can’t wait to hear how the U&I app helps you and your spouse create the marriage you’ve always dreamed of. Here’s to stronger bonds, more fun, and lots of love!
